What I learned from the Rosanne Show 

by Ed Ochester

I like Rosanne,
she sounds like a duck,
and as I watch her this morning
with my mother who is 92 and
dozing off in the heat and
who is largely deaf anyway and
who leaves on the tv because
these mysterious images are
a window onto a world she
resigned from years ago,
I perceive that Rosanne
is at a monster car rally
and drag strip and is talking
to a black woman kickboxer who
brags that she can “beat the [bleep]
out of any man” and proceeds
to demonstrate her skills against
two men out of whom she beats
the [bleep] & then Rosanne interviews
a gorgeous Asian stunt woman and
kickboxer in a black leotard who
demonstrates with the same two guys
that she also can kick the [bleep]
out of any man, and then Rosanne
gets into a monster truck with
tires the size of small houses
and flattens a couple of junker cars
and at this point Mom wakes up and shouts
“WHAT ARE THEY DOING?” and I shout
“ROSANNE IS TEACHING YOUNG WOMEN
TO BE AS VIOLENT AS ANY TEENAGE
BOY JERK” and Mom laughs and
shouts “THAT ROSANNE!” and shuffles
into the kitchen where two hours
before lunchtime she takes out
the tuna salad so it won’t be
too cold for her teeth.

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